Tuesday, September 8, 2009

“So so” is good, very good, very excellent good; and yet it is not; it is but so so.

That’s kinda how I’ve been feeling lately. I’m having a hard time getting jazzed about life. And I don’t know exactly why. I don't like it when I feel this way, but I don't know what to do to change it. Stuff that I usually enjoy just seems like too much effort. Cher's "Snap out of it" technique just doesn't do it.....

I think it’s a Fibromyalgia thing. I don’t have as much pain as others I know—or I’ve just gotten way too used to it—but I do have a whole laundry list of other weird symptoms. I have a constant high-pitched sound in my ears; I learned that was probably Fibro related doing research online. I seem to constantly have a cold or a virus of some sort—fibro has wrecked my immune system. I get blurred vision—another symptom I learned about doing research. It just gets better and better…..

And of course, there’s the whole sleep thing. God I miss the days of my youth when I could crash for 8 hours no problem. I didn’t know how good I had it. Now it seems like the frickin’ alarm clock is going off right after I’ve finally nodded off. And always just as my dream about Paolo the Pool Boy is getting interesting...... Then I lay there and play “If I don’t do such and such, I can stay here for an extra 5 minutes.”

They say you can’t—or SHOULDN’T— make up for lost sleep on your days off. But that’s what I find myself doing. Then I feel guilty for it. I can’t win.

Any suggestions? Would winning the lottery help? I know Paolo would, but he's yet to show up in my real life.....

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