Thursday, April 21, 2011

Who woo'd in haste and means to wed at leisure.

Of course, all the buzz is about the big nuptials next week. Every move of the royal couple is being scrutinized—and compared to William’s parents. Which is utterly ridiculous. The two couples are completely different. They’ve been friends for about 8 years—starting as friends is a really good foundation. They’ve seen each other’s warts. Kate isn’t a wide-eyed 19 year-old—and they’ve been living together for quite some time. They had their breakups and make-ups, so they know that it isn’t always hearts and flowers. Too many of us go into the whole thing all starry eyed—and then want to call the divorce lawyer after the first fight. The big adjustment for Kate (excuse me, Catherine) will be the whole “Royal” thing. Good luck with that….

Anyway, all of this naturally got me thinking about my own marriage in 1973….. a lifetime ago. I was barely out of my teens, and thought I knew what it was all about. Looking back, I think I had a pretty decent image of the whole thing—having grown up with a wonderful example.

I knew it wasn’t about the day—the flowers and the photos and the dress. A wedding is just 6 hours out of a lifetime.

It’s the partnership that follows that really matters. Even at 20, I understood that—as best as someone so young could. I wanted to be my husband’s equal, his associate, in the business that was our new family. In retrospect, I don’t think he really saw me as such. Not on purpose. It just wasn’t in his brain. But then his parent’s marriage sucked big time.

But, believe me, he was a way better man than his father was. He loved his kids and enjoyed doing things with them (he just didn’t get the whole consistency with discipline thing unfortunately). He did a lot around the house—his mother felt I should kiss his feet for that. I told her “We both work and we both live here, he’s only doing his fair share.” Maybe if we had gotten away from her things would have been better…. Who knows…

Now I look at my own kids—both are in their mid 30s and neither one seems to be in any hurry to make the big commitment. In fact, they aren’t too good at keeping relationships going for any length of time. I worry that that’s my fault—the issues that developed over the last 8 years of the 26 their father and I were together have damaged them in some way. I don’t know.

I’ve tried to be a sounding board for them when they’ve decided to let me into things. (I don’t push—my MIL was such a total yenta, it’s made me go completely in the opposite direction.) When we are having a frank discussion, I have pointed out that relationships ebb and flow. Sometimes you will look at the person you are living with and just want to strangle them, But that passes. And it makes the times when you want to hug them to death so much better. People need to be taught that they aren’t always going to agree with each other—just never stop respecting each other. That’s the key as far as I’m concerned. It’s about equality.

One of the few couples I know in my age range that have managed to hold it together for almost 4 decades are my older brother and his “husband.” I wish I knew what their secret is….

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The worst is not, So long as we can say, 'This is the worst.' (4.1.27~ King Lear)

Well—lots going on since last we met. Both personally and globally.

On the personal front:

Still figuring out how to handle this whole diabetes thing. Most days I’m on top of it—had to make major dietary changes though. MAJOR. I went completely cold turkey on chocolate—now that was a sacrifice. But I know it’s my major weakness, so, like a junkie, I’m just better off not going near any of it.

I’m reading labels like a madwoman: how many sugars, how many carbs, how much sodium and fats… it can be daunting. But—I have to say it’s agreeing with me. I feel “lighter” mentally, if that makes sense—and I’ve lost about 10 pounds. Can’t argue with that right?

The one big drawback is that all of this seems to have triggered a return of my menopausal hot flashes. It’s ridiculous. I’m burning up all the time. Any recommendations anyone?

Oh—and I am starting on a new directorial project. I am doing OUR TOWN for Sept. 2011. It has always been a favorite, and I feel it is especially timely now.

We have had auditions and I’ve gotten 20 real great actors—it will be the largest cast I’ve ever worked with. I’m especially excited about the fact that for the first time the theatre will be presenting 2 school performances in the morning. I love presenting classic theatre to students. I have had the privilege of participating in two student performances myself and they were a total rush.

We don’t start rehearsals until mid-June, but I have lots to do…. I am designing the set and will write the study guide for the students. My awesome friends Rose and Keara are serving as A.D. and Producer, so they will be a huge help with the student performances. And the 10 million other little details. It’s exciting—here’s hoping this fibromyalgic diabetic can hang in there.

Now, for the global front….

Boy, the “you-know-what” has certainly been hitting the fan!! More political backstabbing undermining actually doing the jobs they were elected to do, more scandals in the Catholic church, more celebrity implosion (with the public lapping it up like milk) more wars in countries most of us have forgotten existed, floods throughout the Midwest, snow in places down South that have never had snow….. AND… massive destruction in Japan (with a possible nuclear holocaust thrown in).

Of course all of this prompts the Evangelists to say we’re in “The End Times.” But that’s been the case for eons—everyone feels they have proof that their time is when everything is going to fall apart and cease to be. Some of these people are even elected officials who prefer to govern by fear (kinda like how the nuns kept us in line back at Catholic school). We have no idea when or if existence as we know it will end. Although, the rate we’re destroying things on this planet gives one pause. And causes one to wonder are we bringing all of this on ourselves or is it part of some grander design?

Damn! Definitely not “Winning.”