Wednesday, May 19, 2010

… I have Immortal longings in me. - Antony and Cleopatra, 5. 2

[ or “What about B.O.B?’]

Let me know if this is too much sharing….

I have been, shall we say, celibate for a long time. A long time….

But I have B.O.B. [Battery Operated Boyfriend].

Now that’s fine when you need to, um … uh… how shall I put this….take the edge off, as it were. But sitting B.O.B. across a candlelit table for a romantic meal just doesn’t cut it. B.O.B. can’t cuddle up with me on the couch to watch a movie. He can’t make Sunday breakfast for or with me….. And I can’t spoon with B.O.B. in bed at night.

B.O.B. is a lousy conversationalist—and he doesn’t laugh at Jon Stewart with me [he really has no sense of humor—and that is so important to me].

I’d probably get arrested if I took B.O.B. to watch the sunset at the beach. At the very least hauled off to the loony bin…..

And every once in awhile he just conks out on me.

This is a real dilemma ladies.


  1. Oh dear! You do have a dilemma!!! First of all, make sure to always put in a fresh set of batteries. That way you will not experience any power outages.
    As for a real live man...well I wish I could help you on that one. I just don't know anyone single or available off hand?! Sorry!
    Have you considered on line dating? My friend did a stint with eHarmony and met several cool guys. Ended up marrying one of them and boy are they a happy couple...really!!
    So that is a thought.
    Good luck Ellen!!

  2. Oh, I wish I had some great advice for you but sadly I can't help on this one.

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  4. Maybe it is time to make a list of pros regarding B.O.B. You are missing a lot like having a walking,talking member of the species aggravate the fool out of you to the point that you lose the capacity to speak coherently.

    Oh, dear! I do feel for your need to connect. I just couldn't resist the temptation to point out the dark side. Forgive me.

  5. Your post made my sitting here just laughing and laughing and can't seem to stop!

    I got a real visual of B.O.B. and you sitting on a blanket side by side gazing at the course he was wearing custom made sunglasses!

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