Friday, November 6, 2009

to take arms against a sea of troubles

I always seem to have a sea of troubles…. If not my own, my loved ones. I’ve come through a lot; the good, the bad, the ugly. All with my sense of humor intact—if not my bod. [Sorry this is such a recurring theme—and if I seem to be “beating a dead horse.” ] But, I’m in for some big challenges over the next few months. Cause…..this latest one is a real beaut. Because it’s hurting someone who doesn’t deserve it.

15 years ago, after my father passed away, my youngest brother invited our mother to come be with him in California. Which she did. She sold the house in Florida and went cross country, subsequently using the profits from that sale to buy a home where she lived in one half and he lived in the other. The property also included a large 2-car garage that my brother, a contractor, could use for his workshop. My brother could never have afforded a house on his own—in California—let alone one with all of this one’s advantages. The deal was he would get the house upon my mother’s death in exchange for being there to care for her if she needed it. My older brother and I were fine with that. Having Mom cared for and happy was way more important than an inheritance.

Not that our mother is in any way feeble, mind you—see this post. She is an amazing, bright, self-sufficient woman—who was still working up until about a year ago. AND. She minds her own business. Let me repeat that: SHE MINDS HER OWN BUSINESS. She’s not all up in your grill—she only gives advice if asked. Something I’ve tried to do with my own adult children. Anyway, my point is that it’s not a typical “having a parent living with you” set-up.

Well, my younger brother has lost it and is evicting our mother from her home. And we can’t figure out why. Apparently, unbeknownst to us, he has flown into rages against her in the past and the you-know-what hit the fan 2 weeks ago. AFTER he’d returned from 4 months in Thailand mind you.

I don’t get it. Seriously, I just don’t get it.

So, my mom is coming to live with me. I hate to make her come back to cold winters, but I can’t move out there. And she’ll have a ton of family and old friends here. Brother has decided that she is not entitled to any payback on the house, so finances will be tight. But,….. what else is new. This has been my life for as long as I can remember. We will manage somehow.

So, as you can see, we’ll be facing some big challenges in the next few months: figuring out what Mom should bring and what she should part with, [resisting the urge to beat the crap out of brother], finding an apartment that we can afford—and that affords each of us some privacy, [resisting the urge to beat the crap out of brother], deciding how to get Mom here—with her car or without, [resisting the urge to beat the crap out of brother—maybe if I say it enough it will actually happen].

Send good vibes our way—and any suggestions for assistance available too.

Thanks, E


  1. Why resist the urge? Beat the crap out of your brother. Or, even better, get someone large and angry to do it for you.

    I hope everything works out.

  2. I agree with O-Zone. There is no legal recourse? I am so sorry and hope that there is a rainbow in your future and your mom's.

  3. good vibes sent, over and over.

    I do hope things work out. they tend to.