Sunday, June 7, 2009

The Whirligig of Time

I've been thinking alot about time this week--or rather the passing of it. You hear this contantly [and when I was a kid, it annoyed the crap out of me], but the older you get the faster it goes by you.

It seems just a bit ago that I was a young woman of 17 [with a hot body and perky boobs]planning to take Broadway by storm... Instead I fell in love. And wasn't is last week that I was the mother of 2 bright pre-schoolers. Now they are in their [gulp] 30's. Now I know it was just the other day I was helping my 16 year old daughter give birth to a son. And yet, her son graduated from high school on Wednesday night. [I vividly remember him sitting on my lap, weeks before his second birthday, applauding his mommy's graduation--in the very same venue where his was held.]

How can all of this be? How did the time get away from me--And why can't I snatch some of it back? [And not just to have my younger, thinner and more nimble self back--although that would be nice too. But that's for another post]

My daughter and son are amazing adults, but I still can't help but wish I could do a few things over. I tried the best I knew how, but I still have nagging doubts about so much of how I handled things. The most important things we do in life, our relationships and parenting, are the things we have the least training for. There was so much I just guessed at--and prayed I didn't screw them up too much. I sometimes think they've turned out well in spite of me.

The one thing that has been a validation, of sorts, is watching my daughter raise her son. She is a fantastic mom--and I try to tell her that as much as I can. There are many things she handled like I would have, but there are countless times she did it so much better.

For the first 8 years, she and her son lived with her father and I. And my mother-in-law and my grandson's paternal grandparents also cared for him quite frequently. As did her brother. As a result, he's kind of an example of "It Takes a Village" in that he's absorbed a lot of traits from all of the people who helped take care of him those first few years.

But it's been pretty much all my daughter during the past 9.... and I commend her for giving the world an amazing young man. Yet as she, my son and I watched him graduate, we later shared that we all wished we had more time. Time to give more life lessons. Time to impart more wisdom. But most of all, just time to kick back and share more laughs--and hugs.

Yeah, I've been thinking alot about time this past week....

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