Showing posts with label grandparents and grandkids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grandparents and grandkids. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW…


Well the phone rang at about 11:30 on Friday night….. It was my daughter, crying. She had dropped my grandson off at college in W. VA that morning and was having a major separation anxiety attack.
How do you hug someone over the phone?

Apparently, he wasn’t doing much better—he’d already texted her three times and called once.
Again, how do you hug someone over the phone...

My daughter became a mom at 16; she moved out on her own at 25. So for almost 10 years it has been the two of them facing the world—growing up together in a sense. It will be huge adjustment for both of them. They are way more than mother and son; they are best friends too.
She said she didn’t want him to hear her crying. I told her that they’ve gotta acknowledge the “elephant in the room:” that both of them are going to have some adjusting to do. And that it’s okay to miss each other. It will get easier as the semester goes on. It's so hard to let go, to relinquish control. But it's your job as a parent to do just that. All you can do is hope that some of those lessons sunk in.

I remember the anxiety I felt when the two of them moved into their first apartment—and they were only 30 minutes away. I remember the guilt I felt when I got divorced and we had to sell the house my kids had grown up in—they wouldn’t have a “landing place” in case of emergencies. So I know exactly how she feels—sort of… My two weren't six hours away, but they weren't under my wing anymore either. As time went on, I was more and more impressed at how much they had heard--and learned [sometimes the hard way].

So, I'll continue to be there in the background for them. I'll be the one she can call late at night to cry to--and try to hug through the phone. It's my job. Of course, nowadays they have “Skype” on campus, so they can webchat. Gotta love technology.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

The Whirligig of Time


I've been thinking alot about time this week--or rather the passing of it. You hear this contantly [and when I was a kid, it annoyed the crap out of me], but the older you get the faster it goes by you.

It seems just a bit ago that I was a young woman of 17 [with a hot body and perky boobs]planning to take Broadway by storm... Instead I fell in love. And wasn't is last week that I was the mother of 2 bright pre-schoolers. Now they are in their [gulp] 30's. Now I know it was just the other day I was helping my 16 year old daughter give birth to a son. And yet, her son graduated from high school on Wednesday night. [I vividly remember him sitting on my lap, weeks before his second birthday, applauding his mommy's graduation--in the very same venue where his was held.]

How can all of this be? How did the time get away from me--And why can't I snatch some of it back? [And not just to have my younger, thinner and more nimble self back--although that would be nice too. But that's for another post]

My daughter and son are amazing adults, but I still can't help but wish I could do a few things over. I tried the best I knew how, but I still have nagging doubts about so much of how I handled things. The most important things we do in life, our relationships and parenting, are the things we have the least training for. There was so much I just guessed at--and prayed I didn't screw them up too much. I sometimes think they've turned out well in spite of me.

The one thing that has been a validation, of sorts, is watching my daughter raise her son. She is a fantastic mom--and I try to tell her that as much as I can. There are many things she handled like I would have, but there are countless times she did it so much better.

For the first 8 years, she and her son lived with her father and I. And my mother-in-law and my grandson's paternal grandparents also cared for him quite frequently. As did her brother. As a result, he's kind of an example of "It Takes a Village" in that he's absorbed a lot of traits from all of the people who helped take care of him those first few years.

But it's been pretty much all my daughter during the past 9.... and I commend her for giving the world an amazing young man. Yet as she, my son and I watched him graduate, we later shared that we all wished we had more time. Time to give more life lessons. Time to impart more wisdom. But most of all, just time to kick back and share more laughs--and hugs.

Yeah, I've been thinking alot about time this past week....