Thou art thy mother's glass, and she in thee Calls back the lovely April of her prime. ~William Shakespeare

As we approach Mother's Day next week, I thought I'd share this...

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WHY GOD MADE MOMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:


Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.



How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.



What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.



Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.



What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there , but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.



What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?



Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.



Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.



What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers wi thout scaring them.
3 . Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic; they make you feel better without medicine.



What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.



What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Dye it. You know her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head .



WHEN YOU STOP LAUGHING --
SEND IT ON TO OTHER MOTHERS, GRANDMOTHERS, AUNTS
and anyone else who has anything to do with kids or just needs a good laugh!!!

“So so” is good, very good, very excellent good; and yet it is not; it is but so so.

Ye Olde Blogge Goeth Green Today...


[originally posted 9/8/2009--and still quite appropos, sadly]

That’s kinda how I’ve been feeling lately. I’m having a hard time getting jazzed about life. And I don’t know exactly why. I don't like it when I feel this way, but I don't know what to do to change it. Stuff that I usually enjoy just seems like too much effort. Cher's "Snap out of it" technique just doesn't do it.....




I think it’s a Fibromyalgia thing. I don’t have as much pain as others I know—or I’ve just gotten way too used to it—but I do have a whole laundry list of other weird symptoms. I have a constant high-pitched sound in my ears; I learned that was probably Fibro related doing research online. I seem to constantly have a cold or a virus of some sort—fibro has wrecked my immune system. I get blurred vision—another symptom I learned about doing research. It just gets better and better…..



And of course, there’s the whole sleep thing. God I miss the days of my youth when I could crash for 8 hours no problem. I didn’t know how good I had it. Now it seems like the frickin’ alarm clock is going off right after I’ve finally nodded off. And always just as my dream about Paolo the Pool Boy is getting interesting...... Then I lay there and play “If I don’t do such and such, I can stay here for an extra 5 minutes.”



They say you can’t—or SHOULDN’T— make up for lost sleep on your days off. But that’s what I find myself doing. Then I feel guilty for it. I can’t win.



Any suggestions? Would winning the lottery help? I know Paolo would, but he's yet to show up in my real life.....


3/27/12--the illustration kinda sums it up--my life seems to be melting away and I can't stop it.     I am so exhausted by Saturday that I wind up crashing most of the weekend.   The only plus there is if I don't leave my room, I can't spend any money I don't have.

Something's gotta give--soon!

OH TRUE APOTHOCARY!

Here I go again…




Just saw the following poll on CNN.com:

What should the Supreme Court do with the health care law

President Obama signed two years ago?

Uphold it—51% [141,269]

Toss it all—36% [99,174]

clearly these are people who have government healthcare and EVERYTHING is covered

Toss parts—14% [38,860]



Total votes: 279,303



WOW—finally a response number that isn’t a pathetic/apathetic embarrassment!



Personally, I think the reforms have only scratched the surface. There needs to be accountability with the drug companies. Yes, they offer programs to help low-income people afford their medicines, but they do it by charging those of us that have your standard issue health plan an arm and a leg for ours. Meanwhile, their profits are growing by leaps and bounds. And the stuff costs them miniscule amounts to make.



Plus, they offer kickbacks to doctors, so some of them become prescription happy. “One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small…” Heaven forbid they should find a holistic approach to treating something.



I switched doctors about two years ago for one closer to home. And I couldn’t be happier. She actually listens to me and gives me time and attention. She doesn’t instantly whip out the prescription pad, but discusses options as far as diet and lifestyle.



And let’s not get started on the insurance reforms needed-I don’t think I have enough space here for that. ‘Nuff said that the insurers should not be deciding what course of treatment or medications a patient should have. I have a friend who was just diagnosed with Psoriatic arthritis, which is exceedingly painful. His insurance company says he has to fail treatment with other medications before they will cover the drug that Phil Mickelson says is working wonders for him. Does that seem fair or compassionate to you?

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It is a heretic that makes the fire, Not she who burns in 't.
The Winter's Tale, 2. 3

And Rick Santorum’s recent wins are freaking me out.  People—you do not want to elect this man to the Presidency. I am from his home state; he will send us all back to the 1900s—especially with his views on women’s issues and gay rights. He is narrow-minded and views women as basically chattel. Is that really what we want for our daughters and granddaughters? I am shocked and appalled that he has gained so many votes in the various primaries. Are there really that many people in this country who want to take a giant step backwards?

Scared s-less here folks.


Then we have the whole birth-control vs. church-run healthcare organizations… I felt the compromise the President proposed was more than reasonable. There are far too many women who cannot afford contraception any other way. Isn’t it better to have planned families all you “family values” people, rather than kids born to unprepared parents who may wind up abusing them or worse?

Another frightening development is legislation proposed in Virginia [and similars laws being debated elsewhwere] that would require women to submit to a wand ultra-sound prior to obtaining an abortion. Women would be forced to have a rather large (and, dare I say, phallic-looking) object inserted into their bodies in order to receive a medical procedure. And what makes it even more upsetting is that this bill was proposed by a woman! I’m flabbergasted.

Now, let me just say that I am pro-choice. That does NOT mean that I think abortions should be performed willy-nilly. People confuse that. Personally, I feel you should do your damndest to prevent a pregnancy if you aren’t willing or ready to be a parent. But I also feel it’s no one else’s business if you choose to terminate a pregnancy. Every baby should be wanted and loved.

We can’t close the barn door once it’s been opened gang. Roe v. Wade was passed in 1973. It has been the law of the land for almost 4 decades. At least 2 generations have grown up since that time. And yet, the religious right still keeps trying to revoke it.

And many people lose sight of the fact that it works both ways.   As a result of Roe v. Wade, I had no say in what my then 15 year old daughter decided to do regarding her pregnancy.   The decision was entirely hers.     A tough pill to swallow for me at the time...


I don’t get it.    How cn anyone in their right mind think the current climate is a good one for the country? 
And I really resent being told I am not a true American if I don’t think the same way they do. Isn’t that what the founders of this country came here to get away from?




And

                  I’m

                               Getting off

                                                       My soapbox

                                                                                           Now.

Many-headed multitude. ~ Coriolanus, 2.3.16

Poor Mama is still having a hard time adjusting to apartment life…



It is a very different beast—and she is not used to it. When she and my dad got married in 1946, they very wisely took advantage of the GI Bill and purchased a house during their engagement. Granted it was a tiny two-bedroom “row house” just outside of the Philadelphia city limits, but it was a house. She always speaks fondly of that place where they started their life together.


By 1953, they had two little boys and I was on the way. So they went further out to the “burbs” and purchased a house in a new development called Chatham Park. It was 3 bedrooms with nice sized front and back yards. A garage was extra, but they felt it was important to have one. They found out just before settlement that that amount wasn’t included in their mortgage and they’d have to come up with the cash to seal the deal. Ever resourceful, my dad sold their car to pay for the garage.


Well, I arrived not long after the last box was unpacked and my younger brother joined the clan 14 months later. So the joint was full. When I was 6, my parents added another bedroom and a bath over that garage [they’d replaced the car within a year of moving in] so we’d all have more room to breathe.


Our family lived in that house until mid-1974 when my parents sold it to move to Jamaica. [My dad needed a relaxed lifestyle due to his health] By this time we four kids were on our own—two of us married and starting our own families.


My parents rented cottages on the island for 3 years and then continued that practice when they moved to St. Croix. It was there they bought their next house—which my youngest brother renovated for them. As my Dad’s health got more and more tenuous, he wanted to be closer to the Veteran’s hospitals where he received his care. So they moved yet again, buying a house in Venice, FLA.


When my Dad died 3 years later, Mom moved to California with my youngest brother—and helped him purchase a house. She lived in one part he in another.


Two years ago I had to make her come back to the East—and winters—because my brother basically kicked her out. So, here we are, sharing a 2-bedroom/2-bath apartment on the 3rd floor of a nice building.


But Mom is still not used to the fact that you have to put up with your neighbors noises. I guess I’ve learned to tune things out during my decade-plus of apartment dwelling. But even with her hearing aids out, she is aware of quite a bit.


For instance, our upstairs neighbors don’t seem to be cognizant of the fact that their floor is our ceiling and there are all sorts of scraping of chairs and thumping on the floor going on til the wee hours. The discovery that they have a cat cleared up some of the mystery as to what was going on ups there—but not all of it.


We also have the door slammers across the hall and the guy downstairs whose cigarette smoke drifts up through the heating system. And an assortment of other interesting characters; I look on it as good character study for my acting and directing.


Well, maybe I’ll win the lottery soon and I can buy us a nice rancher somewhere…

Every wise man's son doth know.

Just had to share this e-mail I got today…



I promise you will laugh til the tears flow.



Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure! Pay special attention to the wording and spelling—out of the mouths of babes.

Even if you only have a passing knowledge of the Bible—and Catholic school Catechism, you will find this hilarious.

These are the actual answers given by students to a Catholic Elementary school test:


1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.



2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AN ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.



3. LOT’S WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.



4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS..



5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.



6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.



7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS .



8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT


CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS




9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.



10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.



11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THEBATTLE OF GERITOL.



12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.




13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.



14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.




15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.



16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.



17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.



18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.



19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.



20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.



21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.



22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.



23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.



24. St. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.



25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose. The Merchant of Venice, 1. 3

I am, no surprise, following this primary season with great interest.   

I am also getting scared to death of how the political discourse in this country has been reduced to such new lows.    Have any one of these candidates done anything more than pander to whichever group they are standing in front of?     Are real issues being discussed?

I don't think so.   It's just more finger-pointing and nothing is actually getting done.   Nothing real is being said.   And not a damned thing is getting accomplished.   We need to stop all of this partisan stalling and bickering and seriously address the problems in our country.    And, yes, we will need to make compromises.  [Oh no she didn't-she said that dirty word.]

I think this is how the whole election process should go down:

Each candidate gets the same amount of FREE airtime on all of the assorted cable outlets and network channels over an 8 week period prior to the election.    They are to use that time to tell how they would handle a particular issue facing the nation--and how they would pay for it.   Nothing more.   Tell us your plans and then get the hell back to the job we're paying you to do--being a Congressman, a Governor, a Secretary of State...

No grandstanding, no name calling...   AND-no PAC groups!!!!!!

We should also do away with the Electoral College-it's obsolete.   We've had too many elections hijacked by backroom dealings with Electoral College votes.    

And for God's sake--yes, I said God's sake, no co-opting the Lord for your political purposes.    I deeply resent being told that I am less of an American because I don't worship the way Candidate A or B does.    The wonderful concept of separation of church and state that our Founding Fathers so beautifully crafted has been twisted and destroyed over the past 15 years.    And it troubles me.

The Pilgrims endured unbelievable hardships to come to this land because they did not want the rulers telling them how to worship-or who.   That is a private matter between each individual and their particular deity, whatever it may. be.

Oy to the freakin' Vey!!!!

I have been locked out of this account forever!!!!!!!!!!!!

So frustrating.